Need You Now
by vikinglover elle
Summary: One shot. COMPLETE. Sookie has a decision to make but it does not come easily to her. Eric does his best to convince her which way she should go. ESN. AH/AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me. They belong to the fabulous Charlaine Harris.**

**A/N: This is just a little something that popped into my head. There's not really a rhyme or reason to it, it just is. It's all in Sookie's POV. I really hope it makes sense when you read it. It's the way it came to me so blame my crazy brain. Hope you like it. Oh, I didn't wait for my beta to get back to me on this, so any mistakes are mine and I'd appreciate it if you let me know if you find any so I can fix them. Thanks! xoxo Elle**

* * *

"What are you doing?" I whisper angrily to Eric.

"I'm watching you."

"Well, you need to get dressed and get out of here before Bill gets home. Shit! He'll be here soon."

I look down at my watch and notice it's later than I thought. Eric doesn't move. He just lies there, watching me predatorily. I can't get mad at him because I like the attention, but he really has to go.

"I mean it, Eric. You need to get dressed."

"But, I love watching you. I'm hypnotized by your movements. So, if you want me to get dressed, you need to stop what you're doing."

Before I can reply I hear the front door open and close. _Fuck!_

"Honey, I'm home!" Bill calls out to me.

_Oh. Shit._

* * *

"I want to taste you, Sookie. Will you let me taste you?"

I nod, slowly. I don't know why I'm consenting but I am. I want to feel, _need_ to feel something. I should be going back out to my husband and not…

"Ungh…"

His hands ghost over my breasts, and I forget for a moment where I am—the darkened hall between the kitchen and pantry in my house.

Dinner party with all of my friends is going on.

I'm supposed to be hosting along with my husband, Bill. I came back here to grab another bottle of wine. I had no idea Eric was following me and if I did, I would have told him to go back to the dining room. Right now, I can't think of anything but how wet I am and how much I want to feel his tongue exploring every inch of my body.

His thumbs circle my nipples a couple of times, making them harden with each pass. I moan again but he places a finger over my lips to silence me.

"You have to be quiet or someone might hear." He smirks at me before sliding down to his knees.

My breath catches in my throat and I hold it in as I wait to see what he does next. His hands slide up the inside of my thighs, squeezing and caressing my fevered flesh. His fingers snake their way up to my hips, gripping the sides of my delicate lace panties, pulling them down and off me before I can exhale. His right hand slides across my thigh, his thumb moving up and down as it inches closer and closer to my center. My knees give out a little and I jerk towards the floor. Eric puts his left hand on my hip, holding me up against the cool wall. His hand slides down my thigh to grip the back of my knee. He hikes it over his shoulder and lifts my skirt a little more before running his tongue up the inside of my thigh.

His warm tongue teases my slick folds. He pulls back a little and moans, "Fuck."

I shiver and dip down into his hold. My head falls back as I feel his flattened tongue lick up my slit to my nub and down… and up and… down again. His tongue undulates over my slit, then flicks at my nub. He sucks, nibbles and licks my little bundle of nerves, alternating with a dip of his tongue into my center. My hands thread through his finger length blond locks, gripping tightly. He groans as I pull on his hair and sucks harder at my clit.

I can feel myself getting closer to orgasm as he slides a hand up my stomach to my breasts. He rolls the tip of one taut nipple between his thumb and forefinger. I bounce off the wall at his attention and hit the back of my head. I laugh and I feel Eric laughing against my mound. He hasn't stopped what he's doing and I'm just on the edge of coming. He pulls back slightly and looks up at me.

"Come for me, Sookie. I want to feel you come on my face."

Bill never talks dirty during sex, so hearing those words were all I needed to go over the edge. I bite down on my bottom lip to keep from screaming through my release and Eric continues rubbing my nipple and sucking at my nub. As I come down from my high, I drop my head, bending over at the waist. Eric removes my leg from his shoulder, gently placing my foot on the floor. I try to catch my breath as I put myself to rights. My legs barely stop shaking long enough for me to pull my panties on. Eric smiles up at me from his perch on the floor, and wipes his mouth on the back of his hand. He licks his lips before he gets up and walks back to the dining room with the bottle of wine. I can barely hear his explanation for my absence through the kitchen door—I stepped outside to get some fresh air on my way back—which is why he is delivering the wine to Bill. I would have to thank him later.

I make my way back to the dinner party after dashing into the powder room across the hall to make sure I am presentable. Surprisingly I only appear a little flushed, which can be blamed on the coolness of the night air. I smooth down the front of my skirt as I sit to the table and smile to myself. My mood is lifted and I feel like I can enjoy the rest of my evening. I chance a peek over at Eric who is smiling from ear to ear. He licks his lips and a shiver runs through me.

"Are you cold, sweetheart?" Bill asks. I shake my head knowing the true cause of my shiver and put my hand up to my face to hide my blush.

That was the first time I'd done anything with anyone other than my husband. And from the look Eric is giving me, it wouldn't be the last.

* * *

Bill and I were married right out of high school. We'd been together since our junior year and were happy as any newlywed couple could be—until Bill started ignoring me. We got to the point in our relationship where the only time he touched me was during our monthly dinner parties. He would put an arm around me as we greeted our guests and give me a little peck on the cheek at the end of the evening. Then things went back to how they normally were. We slept apart while in the same bed; no snuggling, no touching and NO sex. I thought it had something to do with me putting on a little weight. I quit working a regular nine to five and worked from home. Some days I would be in my PJ's and others I would get dressed to go in to the office one day a week or to meet a friend for lunch.

When I wasn't busy, I think I did eat a little more. My work is stressful and I confess I like to snack. Chocolate had become my best friend and I wasn't about to deny myself a guilty pleasure. Bill hadn't said anything about my being a size bigger until I couldn't get into what he considered his favorite dress. It was a six and apparently now I was an… eight. I guess I snacked a little more than I realized. I really hadn't noticed, much.

"Sookie, have you put on a little weight?"

"Um, I guess I have. I can't seem to get this dress zipped." It had a side zipper which was not budging at all.

"I think that means you need to exercise a little more. Sitting around doing nothing all day seems to have disagreed with you."

"What's that supposed to mean? I don't do "nothing" all day. I have work to do every day, the same as you."

"I would hardly call playing on the computer work," he snorted.

"I'm so glad to know what you think of my career choice, Bill. Thank you for your support."

"Now don't get all snippy. I didn't mean anything by it. But you can't tell me what you do is work when you're at home all day."

"There are lots of people who work from home. Are you willing to start an argument with me with over this? Our guests will be arriving any minute and you make me feel like shit before the evening can get started." So now my career wasn't considered work because I don't go into the office every day?

"I don't want to argue, sweetheart. Our guests will be here in an hour like you said, and you need to find something else to wear."

"Or I can just keep my fat ass upstairs while you entertain everyone. Yeah, I think I like that idea better."

"That's not fair, Sookie. You are not _fat_; I never said you were fat. You just need to exercise. And maybe stop eating so much."

I don't think I was meant to hear that last part, but I did—and it hurt.

That was when he stopped touching me. I hadn't really done much to lose the extra weight either. I liked having a little more meat in certain areas. I was nice and curvy and felt like a buxom blonde. Yeah, what a joke, right? I was floating down low self-esteem river and Bill was the wind in my sail pushing me farther and farther along.

* * *

We lay in bed talking for a bit and Eric decided to serenade me. I had no idea he had such a beautiful voice. I was nervous and didn't want to go home yet. I had the time to kill because we were at Eric's and Bill wouldn't be home until well after seven. It was the first time we had been together—well, had intercourse. I called Eric because I was upset after a fight Bill and I had, and he told me to come over to get out of the house and cool off. I knew I shouldn't have gone anywhere in my condition. I was upset but I couldn't stop thinking about Eric on his knees in front of me at last month's dinner party.

He answered the door fresh from the shower. I could tell because his hair was damp and he was shirtless. And maybe there was a droplet or three running down the front of his body. I didn't dare look down for too long because I was afraid I would not be able to control my hands. The sweatpants he had on were barely covering that delectable body part most women drool over—the precious 'V'. I had to take a deep breath to compose myself.

Eric is a gorgeous man and I knew he had the body to match without having seen it yet. Standing at six foot and a half, his long limbs were lined with expertly toned muscles. I could only imagine the amount of working out he had to do to stay in shape. That made me think about Bill telling me I needed to exercise. Then the tears started and they wouldn't stop.

"Come in and talk to me. What's wrong?" he asked, pulling me in the front door.

"I'm just feeling sorry for myself."

"I don't like the sound of that. Tell me what I can do to fix things."

I looked up to study his beautiful face before answering. I couldn't help but wonder how he was still unattached. As gorgeous as Eric is, he could have any woman he wanted. Hell, he could have a whole bevy of women just flashing his smile alone. That's what made me lose it. He smiled down at me, and I couldn't keep the words in any longer.

"I need… I need… I want you to make me feel better. I want you to… I want you. I want you, Eric. Please make love to me. Please?"

He nodded and pulled me into his arms. I looked up into his blue eyes and found myself imagining what it would be like to be the only woman he sees—the only woman he looks at, period. As a sexual creature; as a woman whose worthy of being worshiped and cherished and taken care of. He kissed me, softly at first, and then with fervor. As I ground my hips into him, his tongue slid across my lower lip and eventually found its way into my mouth. He tasted my lips and tongue and groaned as his tongue further explored the inside of my mouth. I'd never been kissed like that before. I had no idea that _that _was what I was missing with Bill. He'd been my first and only lover, and I felt like I had been duped. Eric's hands made quick work of my clothing and he laid me down on his bed, ever so gently. He parted my thighs with his large, warm hands and got to work with his lips and tongue where I wanted them the most.

After I came, he slid up my body, licking his lips teasingly. I felt embarrassed that he was seeing me naked for the first time and went to cover my nakedness with my arms. He kissed my arms gently all the way up to my neck. He licked up the side of my neck to my ear and hovered there.

"You are beautiful, Sookie. You don't have to hide from me. Let me see you, please?" he whispered.

I shivered and slowly pulled my arms away from my chest. Eric kissed his way down to my breasts, paying equal attention to both, murmuring "Beautiful," as he kissed, licked and sucked each nipple in turn. I'd never felt so comfortable in my own skin in my life. I wanted Eric to take me before I lost my nerve. I knew I shouldn't want it, but damn it I did. I felt his tip at my entrance and looked up into his eyes. He shook his head and cursed under his breath. He leaned away from me and reached over to the table by the bed, coming back with a condom. I was so lost in the haze of lust that surrounded us I didn't think about having or using protection. I guess he'd realized it at the last moment and cursed himself for not thinking of it before.

After he rolled the condom on, he placed himself between my legs again and teased my nub with his tip. I moaned and reached around to grab his ass, urging him on. I didn't want to beg but if he kept teasing me, I would. He kissed me again, slowly, passionately and deeply. Just as I inhaled his mouth-watering scent he pushed into me and I couldn't contain my moan. He stretched me in ways I hadn't thought possible. He must have been bigger than I realized but I didn't complain. He moved slowly, taking his time so that he didn't hurt me. Once he'd filled me completely I held still. I'd never felt so whole in my life. He was the missing piece to my puzzle.

"Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

"No, no, I'm fine. Don't stop, please?"

He nodded and started rocking his hips against me. I couldn't think about anything else at that point. There was nothing but Eric and me and the love we made. My moans and his grunts filled the air, a sheen of sweat making our skin glow in the dimmed lamp light, the low thud of the headboard slamming against the wall. He went so deep that I felt what it meant to truly be one with another person. But I still wanted him to go deeper, I wanted him to make me lose all control and go wild! I knew after this I wouldn't want anyone but him, and that made me excited and anxious at the same time.

In the silence that filled the room after we screamed each other's names in ecstasy, my thoughts came crashing down on me. I'd gotten up to use the bathroom and that was when it hit me. I was an adulterer. I'd just had sex with my husband's best friend and although it was the best sex I'd ever had, it was wrong. I slid down the inside of the bathroom door and sat on my heels as I cried. After a few minutes at my pity party, I got up, threw some cold water on my face and went back into the bedroom to face Eric. I was ready to tell him this was all a mistake and that I felt like shit and was leaving, but he spoke first.

"What's going on at home? I notice at the dinner parties Bill's different with you."

I didn't know what to say or if I wanted to confess my issue to anyone. I didn't really have any girlfriends I could talk to and Eric was such a good listener. I decided to bite the bullet and let him know what was wrong.

"I think Bill isn't attracted to me anymore."

"What? I don't believe that for a minute? Sookie you're one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen."

And I was supposed to believe that coming from a man who looked like a supermodel? His dark blue eyes stare straight through to the essence of your being making you feel like the only person in the room when he's looking at you. His soft blond hair barely brushes the tops of his perfect ears. Yes, the man has perfect ears if that could be possible. His sharp jaw and straight nose have to belong to some Greek statue. His lips—he has the most beautiful, soft, full pink lips a man could possess. His broad chest and shoulders look like they can hold all the problems of the world and then some. The contours of his abdomen are reminiscent of Michelangelo's David. Utter perfection—smooth, and rippled like the hard marble they could be made of. And he's telling me I'm beautiful?

"Thank you, Eric but I don't think so."

"Sookie. Look at me. You are beautiful. I can't help but want to lick each and every curve of your body. They are what make you, you. I love the feel of your breasts in my hand. The way your hips allow room for me between your legs is just… I'm getting hard just thinking about it. The flat expanse of your stomach is perfect for me to snuggle up with. You're perfect. Don't ever think less of yourself because I won't allow it. You have to know, surely you see it when I look at you—feel it when I worship you with my hands and my tongue—that you are everything to me."

"Thank you. I don't know what to say." I feel the warmth of my blush spreading up my neck to my cheeks.

"You don't have to say anything. Come here and let me show you." And he did. With his hands, his tongue and his…

* * *

As Eric smirked at me revealing his beautiful white teeth, I couldn't help but flashback to moments before when he used those same teeth to remove my tiny lace and mesh panties from my quivering form. The flash of his pink tongue sliding over his full lips put in mind the things his tongue could do, and did do, to me. How it made me scream, clutch at his hair, beg him for more. I felt ashamed after that first time. I sank down on my heels, wrapped my arms around my knees, hugging them to my chest. The sobs ripped from me making my body convulse uncontrollably. What had I done? How could I have cheated on Bill like that? I know we were having our problems but I had no excuse for giving into my urges.

Not long after our interlude in the hall, Eric confessed his desire for me. We'd met for lunch and were talking about the first time Bill and I met. He left me with a lot to think about.

"You know I saw you first. I pointed you out to Bill and he took off after you to introduce himself. You seemed smitten with him so I backed off. I wanted you though. I wanted you so badly. But he got to meet you first. So, I swallowed my pride and waited in the wings for you. I just wish I would have… Anyway, what's done is done, right?"

"Eric, I had no idea. Why didn't you say something before now? Bill and I are married, we're happy." I mumbled that last part.

"Are you? Happy, I mean?"

"Yes." _No._

"Are you sure, Sookie? You know you can tell me anything. I may be Bill's best friend but I'd like to think we're good friends too."

"We are but I don't feel comfortable talking to you about this. Not after the other night."

"You needed it. I wanted it. We both enjoyed it. It doesn't have to happen again. I won't pressure you."

"Thanks. I couldn't handle it if… well, what I mean is I want us to still be friends. I like you and I would be upset with myself if I ruined things with you."

"I think I would have done the ruining. I approached you."

"Yes, but I did nothing to stop you either."

"Let's just forget about it then. No harm, no foul."

But I couldn't just forget about it. He would smile at me and I would melt. Literally.

* * *

"Hello?" Who would be calling so late?

"I know I said I wouldn't call, but I need to talk to you. We need to talk. I'll come over."

"Do you know what time it is? Are you nuts?" I whisper.

"Not nuts. I'm drunk and it's a quarter after one. I need to talk to you. Listen, I'll be right over."

I slip out of the bedroom as quietly as I can, hoping Bill doesn't wake up. I've never had to sneak off to have late night phone calls before. This is not me. Eric and I talked days before and I told him we needed to stop this, whatever we were doing. I can't sleep at night. I can't think during the day. My thoughts are all consumed with Eric and it's too much. I want to be with him but I can't.

"You cannot and will not come over here. Do you know what would happen if you showed up and Bill caught you at the door?"

"I'm a good liar. I'd just tell him I need to crash at your place because I can't make it home. Talk to me, Sookie."

"What for, Eric? We did enough talking and I have nothing else to say. We're done."

"You don't mean that. You can't mean that. Tell me you don't miss me. Tell me you don't want me."

"I can't."

"Doesn't that tell you something? I want to be inside you right now. I can't sleep without you. I need you, Sookie. I need you now. Come over here."

"You're not thinking straight. If you were you'd realize there's no way I can drop everything and come to your place tonight."

"Why not?"

"I'm hanging up, Eric."

"Don't! Please, just talk to me. I need to hear your voice."

"Why are you drinking?"

"Because I can't have you. And I would have driven over there hours ago had I not picked up my bottle of tequila. I'm not as drunk as you think." He laughs.

That pulls me up short. I hear the bathroom door open and close and Bill's footfalls as he makes his way down the stairs.

"Sookie? Is everything all right? Who are you talking to?"

"Just Jason. He's having women trouble and needed to talk." I hoped that was believable.

"Figures. Tell that brother of yours to settle down with a good girl and he won't have any troubles. Come back to bed. You know I can't sleep without you." You and everyone else it seems.

I'm barely able to hear what Bill says because Eric is singing to me. He has such a great voice, even now.

"You're breaking my heart, Sookie Stackhouse." Eric whispers.

"I'll be up in a minute, Bill." I wait until I hear him at the top of the landing. "I have to go Eric. Please don't call again." I hang up before he can respond.

I know what will happen though. I'll go running to him or will let him in when he shows up tomorrow or the next day. We've gone through this song and dance twice already. I don't know what it is about him but I can't say no and mean it.

* * *

So my question is what do I do? Eric is lying in my bed; my husband has just come into the house. Do I allow him to find us, or try to weasel my way out of it? There's no easy answer. Someone will get hurt. I couldn't handle it if someone was hurt because of me. I finish pulling my clothes on and grab the doorknob to meet Bill before he can come upstairs. I stop short just as the bedroom door swings open and hits my foot. I was blocking most of the view into the room, but I didn't know if it was enough. I turn and glance over my shoulder and Eric is nowhere to be seen.

"So how was your day sweetheart?" Bill asks.

Moment of truth time.


	2. Chapter 2  Closure

A/N: This is just a bit of closure for this one shot. Thanks for reading! And thanks to the lovely **Suaru_chan** for looking this over for me. She's the bestest! xoxo

* * *

_So my question is what do I do? Eric is lying in my bed; my husband has just come into the house. Do I allow him to find us, or try to weasel my way out of it? There's no easy answer. Someone will get hurt. I couldn't handle it if someone was hurt because of me. I finish pulling my clothes on and grab the doorknob to meet Bill before he can come upstairs. I stop short just as the bedroom door swings open and hits my foot. I was blocking most of the view into the room, but I didn't know if it was enough. I turn and glance over my shoulder and Eric is nowhere to be seen._

"_So how was your day sweetheart?" Bill asks._

_Moment of truth time._

_

* * *

_

"Ouch!" I hop up and down on my left foot as I rub the right. "My day was fine. Bill, what are you doing home so early?" He usually calls to tell me he's going to be late. He's _always_ late.

"I finished up what I needed to at work and decided to come home to see my loving wife." _Is that sarcasm I hear?_

"Yeah, well…"

It seems I don't have to make a decision after all. As Bill steps farther into the bedroom, and I try to soothe my aching foot, I swear I hear a giggle coming from behind him. What the…?

"I see you aren't interested, as usual. I'll just leave you to it, then."

My thoughts are jumbled as I think about him being here early, the giggle I just heard, and the pain in my foot. He tries to back out of the room while keeping an eye on me, and a hand on the door. I know something is up.

"Um, Bill? Did I hear someone giggling behind you?"

A bead of sweat rolls down his forehead, vanishing into his sideburns.

He doesn't flinch.

His facial expression remains blank.

His reply is as smooth as silk. If I hadn't seen him sweating (or heard the giggle), I wouldn't have known he was lying.

"You couldn't have possibly heard giggling, seeing as I'm the only one standing here."

I reach for the doorknob but he holds out a hand to stop me.

"What are you doing, Sookie?" His eyes dart wildly between me and the door.

"What are you doing, Bill?" I throw my hand on my hip.

"Nothing."

"Right. So can I leave the bedroom now? Or should I stand here while you try to hide whoever you brought home with you?" I raise an eyebrow, taking on a defensive stance.

"Sookie, now it isn't what you think…" _Busted!_

I narrow my eyes at him. "What isn't what I think? First you said there was no giggle, now it isn't what I think? So what is it? What the hell is going on?"

He glances over my shoulder, then at me, a leer curling his lips as looks me over. "I could ask you the same thing. It's obvious the bed is mussed; your hair isn't exactly as perfect as you usually keep it; and the buttons on your clothes are skewed. Should I be concerned?"

Of course he would try to turn things back onto me.

I lose my temper and yank as hard as I can on the knob, pulling the door open wide enough for me to see out into the hall. He panics and tries to keep me inside the room. I knee him in the balls as he maneuvers to grab my arms, and step outside the door just in time to see a brunette scurrying down the stairs.

"What the hell, Sookie!"

"What's her name, Bill?"

"Who?" He's panting and bent over at the waist. Good.

"The woman running down the stairs." In my head I phrase it as '_the skinny bitch running off to keep me from beating her ass_.'

This whole episode sure does explain a lot—his being distant; the "late nights" at work; why he has issues with my weight. If he's screwing a twig, I guess my size would be intimidating to him. Fucking bastard!

"Sweetheart, just calm down…"

Why would he tell me to calm down when I am calm? In fact, I'm so calm I can't believe it myself.

"I'm not upset, Bill. I'd just like to know who to thank for making my life hell. That is if she's the reason our relationship has soured. Well, is she?"

"You know, I could lie to you, but I won't." He finally catches his breath and stands up straight, meeting my eye. "Her name is Selah. And yes, I've been seeing her for quite some time now. Maybe about a year?"

Selah… Selah… why does that name sound so familiar to me? Wait a second…

"Was she at our last dinner party?" The one where Eric and I…

"Yes. And one before that. She's my… office assistant. And to answer your other question, no, she's not the reason our relationship has soured. That's all on you."

"Ah… so the late nights weren't all _work_. I see. Well, I don't know what to say."

"That's a first for you," he sneers.

"I'm not sure what I've done to make you run into the arms of someone else," I reply, ignoring his jab at me.

"Really? You honestly don't know what you've done? You don't know how you've gotten lazy? You don't know how you've put on weight and not taken care of yourself?" He pauses, waving his hand over my figure as he eyes me with a look of disdain. "Sookie, you used to be gorgeous and now… You sit around in your pajamas, you do nothing all day, and by the time I get home I wish I'd stayed at work. Talking to Selah makes my day. At least she cares about me and my work. She's not selfish like you. Being with her completes me. I've never felt so alive in my life."

I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me. I'm reaching for thoughts like a drowning victim trying to grab a life preserver.

"Lazy? Just because I'm not a size two doesn't mean I've let myself go, you asshole. And I wear my pajamas because they're comfortable. You know what... I don't even know why I'm trying to explain myself to you because we've had this conversation before. I'm just…" I shake my head, my anger rolling off me in waves.

"I was going to tell you about her. In fact, Eric told me to confess—"

"Eric! He knew about you two? For how long?" I look him square in the eye, disbelief flooding my face.

"Since it began. I disclosed my affair to him because I needed someone to talk to. I needed advice. I begged him not to mention it to you since I know you two have your lunches. She started off as a friend, and then things just sort of progressed…"

"You know what, I can't even be upset. I can't, seeing as I've been hiding something from you too."

Bill looks to me for an explanation. "I'm missing something."

"Yes, Bill. I've been fucking your best friend. Seems as though we've both been seeking comfort in another's arms."

_WHACK!_

We both turn to investigate the source of the noise. I'm not sure what the sound is, but it came from the bathroom—where Eric is hiding.

"What? Eric? What?"

The look on his face is priceless. He sputters his words and rubs his hand over his face as if that will change the outcome of what I've said. This is definitely a Kodak moment.

"He's in the bathroom," I say with a huge smile.

"Sookie?"

"Oh, so you can fuck around on me for… a year… but my one indiscretion you take issue with? I don't think so. You're an asshole and now I'm pissed. How could you Bill? Here I was thinking I'm such a horrible bitch for fooling around with Eric and you've been screwing someone else. I thought it was my fault our relationship was burning out. What the fuck, Bill?"

Eric emerges from the bathroom, fully dressed, head hanging low. I fold my arms across my chest and plop down onto the edge of the bed. I feel like crying but the tears won't come. I feel like screaming but I can't find my voice. I feel like hitting something (someone) but don't have the strength. I wrap my arms tighter around myself as if it will hold me together. I come to realize I've got what I wanted but it doesn't feel quite as I imagined. In essence, I feel like shit and it surprises me.

()()()()

As I stand here, barefoot on the cold white tile of the bathroom, I realize I'm fucked. Really, I have two options. One, hide in here like a bitch; or two, go out there and face Bill like a man. While I weigh my options, Sookie and Bill start arguing and he reveals to her that he's been sleeping with Selah for a year now. Wow! Had it really been that long? I remember when he told me about her; how they were just talking over work and she kissed him out of the blue. The problem being, he kissed her back and wanted to do more than that. Then it became that he wanted her more than he wanted his wife.

This may sound selfish, but I felt it was good news for me. I didn't encourage Bill to keep seeing Selah, but I did encourage him to tell Sookie about the kiss. If he told her, she'd never stay with him and eventually I could tell her how I felt about her. I'm not sure what happened after our talk, but I know he came to me awhile later telling me he was in love with Selah.

_Four months ago…_

"_Bill, you have to tell Sookie about this. She's deserves to know that you don't want to be with her anymore."_

"_I can't do that to her. Sookie and I have been together so long that I can't imagine not being with her."_

"_So you think it's fair to string her along, make her think things between you can get better when you know they can't?"_

"_No. I just don't know how to tell her. I'll figure it out."_

"_I hope you do. The longer you wait, the worse things will get. I mean, for God's sake man, what if you get Selah pregnant?"_

"_We're careful. And so what if I did? She makes me happy and I… You're right. I have to tell Sookie. I'll tell her, I will."_

Obviously, he never told her and here we are—caught in a sticky situation.

Confessing my feelings to Sookie was such a relief to me. Why didn't I tell her sooner? I knew how much she loved Bill. Hell, it was all she ever talked about. Even knowing he was screwing around on her, she didn't need to deal with my obsession too. I may be selfish, but I'm not cruel. She didn't confide in me that they were having problems until a month ago and by then I thought Bill would have come clean with her. This whole situation is screwed up. But I can do something about it now.

Listening to them bicker is heartbreaking. She knows the truth about Bill and _oh fuck_, now he knows the truth about us. Well, that settles that. Good thing I thought to grab my clothes on my way into the bathroom or I'd be walking out to face them in my birthday suit. In my haste to get dressed, I slip and hit my elbow against the door when pulling up my pants. Fuck! I hope they don't hear the racket, but I know better. I finish buttoning up my shirt and turn the knob to go and face my fate.

I can't look either of them in the eye because I know what I'll see there. Bill has to be pissed. He had no idea how I felt about Sookie and this is the ultimate betrayal. It's always bros before hoes, but not this time.

"You son of a bitch! You've been sleeping with my wife behind my back!"

Bill lunges at me and I throw out my hand to stop him. It's almost comical really. He's waving frantically trying to land a punch on me but my arm is much too long for him to touch me. I never noticed how small he was compared to me until this moment. Half the man I am, indeed.

"Bill, settle down and let's talk about this like adults. You can't be upset. I've only been with Sookie three times, including today." I'll admit that last remark was a low blow, but he's acting like a child.

"And you think that makes it better? You fucking bastard! She's my wife. MY wife! You have no right, Eric! No right! I knew you had a silly little crush on her, but this… this I cannot forgive." He stops putting up a fight and begins pacing the room.

"Wait? You knew I had a crush on Sookie? You never said anything."

"Why would I? And of course I knew. You think I didn't see the way you looked at her when she entered a room? Or the way you cringed when I would touch her? Yeah, I knew. You always did want what was mine."

_Smug bastard._

"Bill, you didn't want her anymore. You told me so yourself. Why would you throw away such a great thing you have at home for a skank like Selah Pumphrey? What did you expect her to do?"

"Not turn to you, that's for sure. How long has this really be going on? Were your lunches just a façade for you two to meet without me being suspicious?" His movements are jerky as he continues to pace the room.

"No!" Sookie yells. "Not at all. I had no reason to think of Eric that way, Bill. I was in love with you. I wanted things to work between us. I hadn't even told Eric about our problems until fairly recently. So you can't put this on him. This is your fault! No matter how much you think sitting around in my pajamas ruined things. That's the most ridiculous bit of poppycock I think I've ever heard." Her using a word like 'poppycock' is exactly why I've fallen for her.

Bill stops pacing and looks from me to Sookie.

"I'm not going to listen to another word of this. I want you both out of here. I don't care where you go Sookie, but you need to leave. Now. Eric, I'm sure you can already guess that our friendship is dissolved. No need to turn up here for poker nights anymore."

Bill storms off, fuming and muttering to himself. I can only think about Sookie. She looks so distraught and I have to know that she's okay. I sit down next to her on the bed and she slides away a bit. I open my mouth to speak but she holds up her hand.

"Don't say anything. Don't even think about saying anything. You knew all this time. You knew what he was doing and didn't say anything?"

Ignoring the fact that she tells me not to say anything, and then asks me a question, I bite back a chuckle as I consider her current state. No point in lying now.

"Yes."

"Why didn't you warn me or tell me or something?" She throws up her hands and sighs. She drops her head into her hands and rubs at her forehead furiously.

"I'm selfish. I wanted you for myself. I figured if Bill screwed up, you'd dump him and I'd have my chance with you. I didn't think it through, but who does in matters of the heart? I won't apologize for what I did, but I will apologize for how it's hurt you. I never wanted that. It's part of the reason I didn't tell you. I couldn't be the one to hurt you like that. I couldn't say the words that would break your heart. Maybe if I did, you would have taken all this better, but I'll never know."

"You didn't say anything so that I wouldn't get hurt, but here I am—hurt. I'm not sure you could keep that from happening no matter what you did. Thanks for trying though?" She shrugs, giving me a sympathetic smile.

I feel that she's unsure of how she feels since her statement of thanks is more of a question. I can only offer her what I think she needs.

"If you want, you can stay with me. I won't expect anything to continue between us. I'm trying to be realistic here and know that you'll need time."

"Time? No… I won't need time. I'm okay, believe it or not. I think I've known that Bill and I have been over for awhile now. It's not like we were happy or even in love anymore. I can't remember the last time I told him I loved him anyway. I won't need time, just a place to stay." She laughs to herself. "This is actually quite a relief. He knows the truth, I know the truth, my conscience is clear. Well… not entirely, but you know what I mean."

"I think I do. The offer still stands. Room and board—no pressure, no strings."

She turns to me, face serious. "What if I want the strings?"

"Do you want the strings?" I ask, eyebrow arched.

She smiles and takes my hand, lacing our fingers together and that's all the answer I need.


End file.
